Title: Inferno
Show: BBC TV series “Coupling”
Author: Steven Moffat

Description: At a dinner party, Steve (Jack Davenport) is confronted by his girlfriend about a porn tape she found in his apartment, “Lesbian Spank Inferno.” He is forced to describe the plot of this ‘erotic film’ as he calls it, much to the confusing and amusement of the women present. He describes the ‘plot’ as the story of a ‘lesbian film collective’ that hold a contest to see which film-maker had made the best film. Eventually, the whole thing becomes a ‘spank inferno.’ But that’s not the point.

Dinner Guest: How could you possibly enjoy a film like that?

Steve: Oh, because it’s got naked women in it! Look, I like naked women! I’m a bloke, we’re supposed to like naked women, we’re born like that! We like naked women as soon as we’re pulled out of one; halfway down the birth canal we’re already enjoying the view! Look, it is the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. We like: Naked Women, Stockings, Lesbians, and Sean Connery best as James Bond, because that’s what being a boy is. And if you don’t like, darling, join a film collective. Look, I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman at the end of that table there, but that does not stop me wanting to see several thousand more naked bottoms before I die, because that’s what being a bloke is. When man invented fire, he didn’t say “Hey, let’s cook!” He said “Great! Now we can see naked bottoms in the dark!” As soon as Caxton had invented the printing press, we?re using it to make pictures of, hey! Naked bottoms! We have turned the internet into an enormous international database of naked bottoms. So you see, the story of male achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been a story of our struggle to get a better look at your bottoms. Thank you, girls, I’m not sure how insulted you really ought to be.

Harry (II)


Title: Harry (II)
Source: 2 Minutes and Under
Author: Glenn Alterman
ISBN: 0553263668

Description: Harry – 30’s-40’s – a furnished basement in Brooklyn. Harry and Mort have been close friends most of their lives. These tow small time, wheeler-dealers are now involved in a drug deal which Harry has set up. When Mort expresses some doubts about the deal, here Harry tries to reassure him everything will be okay.

Harry: That’s right, that’s right. I did teach you how to ride a bike. Million years ago. I was older, I knew how, so I taught you. S’just like tonight, Mort. I made the contact, set it up, did everything. Everything! Now I’m handing it to you on a gold platter. All you gotta do is hand ’em the money. Then they give us the stuff, dosey-doe. Then tomorrow we go to Louie. Give him what we got, make a fuckin’ fortune. So simple. S’like ridin’ a bike all the way to the bank. An’ don’t think for a minute I’m makin’ any money here. Nah. Feh, a finder’s fee for gettin’ you two together. Small change, believe me. Won’t even pay for the kids’ bar mitzvah lessons. Where as you, you’ll make more than double, triple, what’cha put in. It’s a gift I’m givin’ you. For Shirley and little Sheila. Little gift from Uncle Harry. Now stop worryin’ for God’s sake, and here, have some more coke.